I want my free time DAMMIT!

The harsh reality of the working world is slowly getting to me. I  am now very impatient, I get annoyed easily and these fill me up with extremely bad energy! My dad, Gruffy and almost other adults that exist in my life (apart from myself) told me that I'd come across so many characters at my workplace; both good and bad.

But I honestly didn't expect rotten ones.

Fine. I know I ain't that much of an angel goody goody hardworking type to be calling people "rotten". But I am super upset+moody+a total drama queen so leave me be!

I have 33 periods a week. On most days I'd be lucky enough to have a chance to eat but on Wednesdays I only have one free period and I usually rush from class to class and drink some water cos by the third period my throat would be so dry from all the talking  in class. When I was handed the full timetable at the beginning of the year, that old witch said sarcastically "you have a degree right? A graduate...your starting salary is higher than anyone in this school so you should be getting more periods than anyone else"

Like, uh...hello...fine I have a degree but I didn't major in *all subjects taught in primary school*. If you wanted to start talking about salary - I am surely grateful that I live in an era where there are lots of opportunities to study. But a word from the young teacher whom you think lack experience, opportunities don't fall from the sky. Even if they did, you gotta catch it and make full use of it. Then only you get something out of it. And in my case, I worked for my degree. And I think I deserve the amount of salary I get at the end of each month because I worked hard to get where I am and I work hard to stay there and I work hard to be better.

Of course I didn't say that to her face. I have been reminded to eat a slice of humble pie every once in a while, or just a tiny wee bit if I really cannot force down the whole slice.

But yesterday was the final straw - I couldn't take it anymore. Like I said, I only have 1 free period on Wednesdays. And she gave me a class to relief...while her pet teachers who only have like the most 25 periods a week lounge around or go to the next door hawker - free from all the worries in the world. You know why? Cos they have someone backing them up each time. An example of the advantage of being her favourites? You could still get that Excellence in Service whatever crap award even when you were on 2 months leave!!

How the heck do these people evaluate someone's work when he or she was absent for 2 months? Oh wait...got someone who would always back you up, write sugar coated recommendation and what not.

Well I don't care much for award or recognition, I'd probably be gone by the time I arrive at that point they would consider me a 'senior teacher' - but damn I care about having my one free period FREE!! and since she likes to play dumb each time I ask her "'what about that teacher who is really free?", I am gonna give her a taste of her own medicine.

Noone plays bimbo better than I do, sistah!

Out of my hands

If you're a folllower on Twitter, you'd have read that I finally have submitted my application for PhD at UF. Upon clicking the "submit application" button, I asked Gruffy again and again and again if I should do it - cos I didn't (still don't) know how my statement of purpose sounded. I thought I covered (with Gruffy's help) every thing they want to know but by the time I was gonna copy+paste it from word to the admission system, I had to chop off like almost 2 paragraphs.

Naturally....I freaked out!!!!!! (insert hair-pulling crazy hani here). It was like wearing a strapless dress without my wonderbra!! Boobs saggy, unpleasant looking and all!

But like it says in the title, it's out of my hands now. I contacted Dr. Lamme telling her that I've submitted everything and will be meeting her another time when I am in Florida this coming holiday. Jo has submitted her letter of recommendation and suggested that Jan and Erika to write me the other 2 I need. Hopefully all goes well. I really wanna get my PhD before I am 30 because we plan to start a family :read: making babies around that age - if it was totally up to me, I'll get Gruffy to knock me up when I'm 28 but children cost lots of money so we wanna be stable and everything. By that time, my Gruffy would be Professor Gruffy and hopefully we'll have a nice 3 bedroom house with a backyard with garden gnomes whatnot.

Anyway, I was saying about getting my PhD before I am 30. If I start next year (I'd be 26), I'd have like less than 4 years to complete it. Seems impossible, but we'll see.

There'll  be lots for my head to process and adapt next year if all goes according to plan. Getting married, being a wife, moving continents, studying, studying while being a wife, being a wife while studying.

Ok I better not drive myself crazy with the future. Better deal with what's coming tomorrow i.e. lesson plans.

Oh great...

What Hani Wants

is to spend Raya with her fiance!! But not this year :( I guess we'll just have to do the whole raya-on-skype thing this year. Oh well.

School goes on holiday a day early so I am heading back up to KL in the morning I guess-it depends what time I wake up tomorrow. And I better not forget to set my alarm for sahur tomorrow cos last night I forgot and slept in-after not fasting for almost a week. I was so hungry today and some year one kid whipped out a pack of tiger biscuits out of his bag and started eating and boy, wasn't that a challenge!! And he even asked me to hold on to his biscuits cos he didn't wanna share with the other kids!

ah, the joy of teaching primary kids :)

managed to clean the rest of the house today and reminded Gruffy about paying zakat. I paid mine last couple days and it totally slipped my mind that he'd have to pay his too. At first was gonna pay his over here but then I rechecked with the his area's center's website and he could pay it there-plus the rate is different too so he's gonna go pay it today.

Since we are on that subject, I'm really proud of Gruffy. Of course it was a tough transition and having to learn new things that sometimes are unexplainable is tough-but he made the choice and commits himself to it. Maybe I should give him duit raya since he hasn't missed fasting even for a day and it looks like he's gonna get full 30 days too :) We'll see, maybe he'll get his DSi early and I'll get something else for his birthday and christmas ;)

This year I'll be able to celebrate thanksgiving, Raya Haji, his birthday, christmas and part of my birthday together! I'm flying off to New York on the 22nd and coming back on my birthday. I wish I could stay for new year's eve too but school starts on the 4th and I need to be back in Malaysia by the 3rd. Though flying back alone on my birthday isn't really my idea of a celebration, at least I'll get to spend most of it with him. If we go by Malaysian timezone, we actually will manage to celebrate whole 24 hours of my birthday - so I guess it's ok :) plus this would be the last time we'd have to do the flying-alone-to-see-each-other thing so that's a good thing!

So we'll be spending thanksgiving, Raya Haji and his birthday in Gainesville, then we'll either fly or drive back (not sure, we haven't decided) to Jersey and spend the rest of the holiday with the family. I seriously cannot wait so if you're asking what does Hani really want?

She wants time to fast forward to 22nd November so she can fly home!!! :)

Accidentally Spilt or Splashed?

He accidentaly __________ a glass of water on the table.

a. spilt

b. threw

c. poured

d. splashed

above was the 3rd question in the recent UPSR paper 1. First look at it, I'd say the answer would be "a" with the reasons being; it's an accidental act and the water was in a container (glass is a kind of container right?).

So like half hour ago my head of department gave me a copy of both paper 1 and 2-if I wanted my year 5s to try them. A colleague looked at it and asked me the answers for the questions. So when I said that the 3rd question's answer was "a", my head of department said that she heard from teachers from other school, who referred to someone they called "an expert teacher" that the answer is "d".

So the arguement started.

I did ask Gruffy which one was the right one when I finished invigilating exam last week cos I saw tons of kids chose "d. splashed" instead of "a.spilt". He said he'd used them both before but thought "a." was a more accurate answer.

Like I mentioned above, I was 100% sure, I still am sure that the answer is "spilt" because it's an accidental act and that the water was in a glass. Gruffy also said that you don't "splash" water in glass. Honestly, I never really used the word "splashed" before for accidental events like drinks spilling on the table. To me it's a word that I would use when someone really does "splashing water" act to me.

ok, clearly I am not your excellent English teacher...whatmore an expert. But below are the definitions I got from Oxford online and I am gonna submit an inquiry about this - there's no way I'm letting this go easily, I want a legit answer so I don't teach my kids the wrong thing!

spill1
• verb (past and past part. spilt or spilled) 1 flow or cause to flow over the edge of a container. 2 move or empty out from a place. 3 informal reveal (confidential information).

splash

• verb 1 (with reference to a liquid) fall or cause to fall in scattered drops. 2 make wet or cover with scattered drops. 3 strike or move around in water, causing it to fly about. 4 (splash down) (of a spacecraft) land on water. 5 display (a story or photograph) in a prominent place in a newspaper or magazine. 6 (splash out) Brit. informal spend money freely.

care to explain?

I used to believe

I use to believe that the things rattling around in spray paint cans were baby teeth that the tooth fairy sold to the paint company, that's how she got her money

Anon (from make-believe : fairies)

I used to think that dogs were the males and cats were the females and thats why they were always chasing each other...

Daniel Thor (from animals : cats & dogs)

While browsing my daily geek site, I came across their list of "feel good" websites. and I love this! FML made the list too but I found this more appealing-cuter in lots of ways. It made me think of things I used to believe and how those made me extremely happy and though I grew out of some of them, I still feel good knowing that I had tons of good things I believed in that in lots of ways helped shape the kind of character and personality I have today.

I see the world in the most ideal way my head chooses to see because I think it's important: to keep being colourblind;to keep being naive;to keep the innocence of a child in the children and in us;to be non judgemental;to be sincere;to keep giving without asking for anything in return. And that's just the starters of the list :)

Some say that we gotta let the young ones know the harsh reality of the world so that they would be prepared to face it when the time comes. I am not saying we shouldn't, but don't take away their childhood from them by replacing their laughter with the decisions we make as adults. And especially don't take away their innocence by starting to segregate them at a very young age.

If you look back on things you used to believe, you'd realize how clean and straightforward your thoughts were - the kind that we rarely have when we're adults cos we're always influenced by the way things seem on the outside. As bitter as it is to swallow, we know that the way things are is the way we make them. And it is sad that most children would grow up to be these judgemental adults...and the vicious cycle would never stop.

We are normal human being and we can't help being judgemental every now and again - it only makes us normal. We aren't saints. But it does help when we try to be aware of this weakness before it seeps in our braincells unconsciously and becomes a part of us that is so big, it'd be so tough to get rid of.

And it definitely helps to not raise children to learn differences, but rather similarities. And that it's not wrong to believe in silly funny things. Without those beliefs in funny and silly things, there wouldn't be cool looking buildings and crazy wacky million dollar worth inventions :)

Remember, focus on similarities, not differences :)

First game of the season and I can't watch?!?

Where's the justice in all this?!? I can try to watch it online but streamyx is damn hopeless so can't depend on it! URGHH but I will try. I need my dose of Tebow and Cooper in action! I haven't seen them for ages!!!

Tim Tebow the Superman

Riley "Hottie" Cooper

I like Riley better cos Tebow is too muscely for my liking. But can't find any better picture of Riley - I wonder if the other Gators footballers ever feel overshadowed by Tebow haha

This Geeky Gator obviously feels that way :P

awwwww. you know I love you best ;)

shifting gear

I don't drive stick-I don't think I remember how to anymore but I do know if I shifted like from gear 1 straight to 3 or something, it wouldn't be good for the car. And after a week holiday and lots of sleeping straight to waking up damn early and working my butt off is obviously a shock to my body - I feel more tired these days than ever. Maybe because it's fasting month too and the unpredictable weather combined. Regardless, my system is still getting used to the sudden change.

The exam is next week, I hope my kids do well. If they did, then I'll have some sort of benchmark to live up to for next year, which is in my opinion a good thing. I might not be around long enough to be there with my kids for their exam: exam will be in September (usually it is in September) and I might be leaving, if everything goes well, early or mid august. Hence the pressure to make sure the next batch of kids will be ready by the time I have to leave them to pursue dreams of my own.

I have been working and teaching for almost 2 years now. And working life has made me realised one thing that I never wanted to admit: I have been and always will be a loner. Gruffy said that it's because I chose to be one because I just prefer it that way rather than people isolating me or something like that. Regardless, I now admit I am one. I do like working with people and sometimes go out with friends to catch up but that's about it. I don't really have a closeknit group of friends like most people do; this is either because I am easily forgettable and haven't made that much of an impact in anyone's life or simply cos I am a jerk. I'd prefer the first :P I have few friends I like to hang out with when I am back in KL but that's about it.

I guess I am little weird - people always say that artsy people have eclectic kind of social behaviour and ways they relate to people. Now I am not artsy or anything like that. Not in the common way anyway. But I do have different worlds I relate to when I write my books or even when I think. And I guess I am sometimes (or most of the times) too sensitive for my own good. Scared of getting hurt or offended, I just shut myself up from people and be on my own. I am not sure if it's healthy or not the way I act - but I am happy.

Life is about shifting gears every now and then, at least to me-whether it's sudden or expected, well you rarely have controls of what life throws at you. Waking up before the roosters do and choosing not to have much social life aren't much at all. I guess shifting gears in a lot of ways help to reshape my focus on things that really matter. I love my friends, but right at this moment my focus is my kids and it is my utmost responsibility to make sure they leave primary years with good grammar and sound knowledge of the language. I am also a fiancee who needs to learn my ways through being a good wife. Though my future husband isn't one who dominates control over my life, being there for him is what I love and also my responsibility.

And I guess right at this moment, my gear would stay at "kids and Gruffy" for a long while :)

Lazy Holiday

a lot you can say about the lack of updates - one being that I am on a week holiday and switched to lazy mode as soon as I rang that old school bell Friday before last :P another thing is that fasting month started the first day of holiday so I pretty much have spent my day lazing around, and trying to beat the computer at scrabble.

My Gruffy also is fasting - his first time ever and though I insisted that this would be his trial; meaning if he needed to break it and drink water (he gets dehydrated very easily) he could. But looks like he's gonna make it through the one whole month and I am very proud of him. I feel really sad and bad cos I am not with him throughout his first time at doing this, but I do try to be as supportive as I could.

Other than that, I've used the holiday to pick on my little nephews and nieces and also play the big authority figure they scur away from each time I put on the mean face :P I also managed to catch up with Aman and Lilo who are back for summer hols annd will be back for good next year. Looks like Gruffy and I will need to pay for accomodation when we go on our Euro Trip cos there'd be no place to crash hehe before anything, I still need to convince Gruffy that backpacking around Europe like that would be fun - right after I convince him to go on the upside down roller coaster at Universal Studio.

So as you might have guessed, I seriously have nothing interesting to write about. I am still mourning over the death of my cat, which I will write about once I am pass that. I am gonna enjoy my last day at home cos I am heading back downsouth tomorrow. And guess how am I gonna enjoy it?

That's right. Sleep like there's no tomorrow ;)

Go For It

Have you ever wanted to do something or wanted something or wanted to be something and told someone about it? It's almost always the case that someone would say, in a very supportive tone for you to "Go For It"

and that's the kind of encouragement that we usually need even if that specific something may seem so out of reach. But because of the encouragement and the support as well as the understanding, we're less afraid to "Go For It".

But what if the situation is slightly different - you want to go for it, but you don't have the means to do so. You told someone about it, they said "Go For It" but you can't go for it because there's no way that you can.

Do you talk it out more or you think it's best to just let the topic pass and soon enough it will never come up again - more like hopefully you'll never think about it again.

What would you do?

be grateful,use it well

Lately I watch lots of tv shows. Ok correction, I flick through the channels lots and only watch few that I love. It was during one of those flicking-the-channels I came across Oprah's Big Give and now it's one of my favourite show to watch. Fine, I know it's an old show and the one's showing on Hallmark is a rerun, but I didn't know about it until, well couple weeks ago. For those of you who don't know, Big Give is a reality show where 10 people compete to give big. Each week Oprah would provide a certain amount of money or something like that and the contestants would have to use the money given well to help those who really need it. They could even use the money to raise more money, which of course would work to their advantage during judging. The panel of judges would then judge them based on how big their help was and look through other criterias. The contestants went into this competition with the purest intention to find needy people and help them without getting anything in return. What they didn't know was that Oprah was gonna give 1 million USD to the winner (500 grand for the winner and the rest to be donated).

So I like the show because it's so good knowing there are people out there who enjoy helping others for the sake of helping and not because they want to be rewarded. What I like best about it is how it showed that tons of schools in the US lack funding for a lot of things and the teachers try their hardest to find money to improve the condition of the school as well as to help the kids, even when they have to fork out their own money. It was like a wake up call for me that there have to be schools like that here in Malaysia. Schools that are in the rural areas or even schools that are too big with tons of students to handle - each school is bound to have difficulties in managing the kids as well as the quality of education that we offer our students.

Obviously there isn't an Oprah in Malaysia who can give out money like that and I cannot talk on behalf of every school because I don't know what problems they have and whether the situation is different or similar or whatnot. But I know what's going on in my school, or at least I know as what I was told - that we have the money to add resources for each department/subject in that school. Every year the government (from what I have been told) provides a certain budget for each subject that can be used to buy resources, books, tools and other things like that can be used to improve the school and its quality of teaching and learning process.

All teachers need to do is write up a proposal on what they plan to buy, of course it has to be educational, the asking price and get the headmaster or principal to approve it. Once things have been bought, remember to keep the receipt so that can be handed over to the financial clerk so it could go into that year's budget. Teachers also need to catalogue and file the things that go under their department to make sure that those things bought are well taken care of and could be tracked even for years to come.

The budget might not be able to buy the school say...even a computer or build a new playground but it could buy books, references, teaching aids, improve school's compound so it's safer and tons more. But like everything else, if our hearts are not in it, then we'd always find excuse why it can't be done - that cost too much, better use that money for something else, yadda yadda yadda. And it is also amazing how the money are considered put to waste when they are suggested to be used to buy books because the kids would not know how to appreciate them. I am new in this teaching business so I might be wrong but I am guessing if the teachers didn't educate and shape them to learn to appreciate things, then who should take the blame?

Big responsibility, right? And that is something abstract that is pretty hard to find a party to blame because in reality I think it's everyone's responsibility and the blame game should not be played at all. But when it comes to handling money that is given for the purpose of making sure these kids get the best education they can, well you can get caught red handed if you decided to trick your way around to use the money to support things of your interest. Think people don't know? Well think again.

What we have and what have been given to us, we should be grateful for it and most importantly, use it well.

Up up and away

I enjoy storytelling. Not the gossipy kind, just the plain old storytelling. While I did grow up watching tons of tv shows and cartoons of multiple colours, the thing that I looked forward to at the end of the day was bedtime stories. As a result, I am now an adult with a pretty wild imagination – not the dirty kind haha just a form of escapism that is filled with the sort of innocence that I reckon most people start to lose once they hit puberty.

I am currently teaching English in a primary school and I conduct storytelling session with my kids once a week. This is when I get to tell the story as well as getting them to take part in predicting outcomes or act things out. When I tell stories, I always believe that if I see it, the kids will see it – imagination shouldn’t have any form of boundary as long as I could take the kids back to reality once we are done and need to put it on hold :)

While I do love my job and working with kids, one thing that I have always wanted to do (it’s been improvised every now and again) is to have a little bookstore that offer a large selection of children books. The books would obviously be for the kids to read while sipping milkshake or have yummy cupcakes but ultimately I want my bookstore to be the place where kids could be introduced to storytelling and enjoy it the same way I did (do).

Every day I would dedicate few sessions for this purpose and also use this time to interact with the children. Of course once the major agenda has been done and well accomplished I’d probably start other programs or sessions but spreading the love of storytelling is my goal. I realize that most parents work till late hours and some kids never got the chance to be read to. So I’d like to fill in for that part. If I had the means, I would have opened up that bookshop now, but I believe I need more knowledge so I am putting that dream on hold for a while till I am done with my post grad.

Like I mentioned, I have always enjoyed storytelling. But never I thought it’d be one thing that I would consider as a career. Thanks to my storytelling lecturer when I was in Australia, Howard Cassidy who always encouraged me to try new things and took us to school and told stories to kids, it is now one thing that I really want to get better at and learn more and share it with every other kids in the world. That bookstore dream has always been there because I love reading but Howard came along and inspired me to do what I enjoy best and now it is my ultimate dream to be the best storyteller like he is.

I enjoy good cartoons and great animation, but I am very sure it can never beat the kind of animation that is going on in my head when I read books or telling a story. Like I said, I let my imagination runs wild, wilder than a flying house set for a great adventure. But I am still learning, so how about free passes to watch Up! to enrich my imagination? :) All in the name of educating kids today who will build and invent great things that based from well, that imagination they once had!

*as you could read, it's nothing really amazing. Anyone could write about their dreams and their life goal - I am just one of them and you definitely are one of them too :)

things you want, things you can't have

There are tons of things that I want - some are possible to work towards it and others are those that I have to miss because they don't come by often; when they do, I have to say no due to reasons I don't even know why I came up with.

Like the premiere of UP.

I have decided I am not going. The premiere is on next Tuesday night in KL. I'll be downsouth and though I could take Wednesday off and drive up after school on Tuesday arvo, I'd be dead tired. Of course being able to meet Cyan and watching good animation would take away that..and a break from work is really what I need.

But I need to be saving money and sticking to frugal living - plan for the worst, hope for the best. Going back up would cost petrol and toll and whatnot. I spend less than that for food for a month - that's just because groceries here are cheaper and I don't eat out nor eat a lot for that matter. Maybe this frugality would seem to be the opposite of my recent spending on a new phone - it wasn't in our monthly budget. So it's a totally different part of few allocated budget(s) I have for myself.

So I guess I'll email Nuffnang tomorrow or something to inform them I can't go so they can give my tickets to more deserving-in-KL blogger. It sucks, but can't have everything now can we.

On a more positive note, I could go watch in JB for only 10 bucks :)

Testing

Pixelpipe testing

UP anyone?

so like couple weeks ago I came across Nuffnang's co founder Tim's post about giving away premiere tickets to watch UP. In order to kind of win a pair of tickets, people would have to tell him what they've always wanted to do in their lifetime and why. After reading that post for the first time, I told myself "nah, I can never write anything good about what I want to do" etc. Regardless, I started writing up about the topic and actually finished it. But I didn't think it was good enough to be sent and I guess I was scared about the possibility of him thinking I am a weirdo or a loser or something - come on, we're talking about Timothy Tiah who is undeniably successful at a very young age. There was no way I could impress him with my tiny puny dream.

So I saved my entry and just left it at that.

That night I told Gruffy about it and he said I should just submit my entry. I emailed it to him and asked him what he thought about it and he still said I should just go ahead and submit it - which I did. Honestly, I didn't think that my entry would leave any strong impression and when Tim replied to me and said it was the first time that someone shared a dream like that with him, I still thought he was just being nice. He does seem like a nice guy after all. Secretly I hoped I won so I kept checking his blog to see if he's made a decision. When he finally did and said that the chosen winners would receive an email from Nuffnang in the next few days (with 1st August being the last of the next few days he mentioned), I eagerly waited for that email to reach my inbox.

Came Saturday - no email so I told Gruffy I didn't win. Of course, being the biased fiance he is :P he said that I should have but it was ok. He said he was proud regardless. I also told him to download the movie once it's out on dvd so we can watch it when I go back to Florida this coming holiday - I was sad but I have already accepted that there was no way I'd win cos my writing isn't good. And probably didn't convey what I really wanted to.

It was totally out of my head and I haven't thought about it since Saturday but I came home today to find an email from Nuffnang saying I got the invitation to watch the premiere!!! I was kinda shocked and kept asking myself "I won?" and seriously couldn't believe it cos today's Wednesday and I thought there's no way that email was legit - but it was! So I told Gruffy that maybe some people who won couldn't attend or something so they decided to give the tickets to people who submitted entries or something. Regardless, I got them!

I know that some might think "it's only premiere tickets, what's the big deal?". But it means the world to me that there are possibilities that people actually think that my dream is as big as anyone else's and that my writing managed to convey that. It may just be premiere tickets to you, but it's potential clients who might send their kids to my bookstore for some good storytelling fun to me! (maybe I'll share that entry about my dream that I submitted so you guys would have a better idea :)

But whatever it is, I'm going to the premiere screening! I wanna take Cyan with me but she hasn't replied - must be a busy day at work. And it doesn't matter if my entry was second or third best or what, I am glad I submitted it and gained a little bit of confidence - thanks to Gruffy who has always been supporting me and my writing, as well as always motivating me to chase my dreams :)

Becoming a Gator

it was almost 9 months ago (no, I am not pregnant you sickos) that I had my meeting with my prospective advisor, Dr. Lamme. It was a good meeting, her feedback was nothing short than good and she has emailed me once I was back in Malaysia to ask the status of application. It was rather embarassing to admit to her at the time cos I just only took my GRE and hadn't started on my application at all but having an already Gator fiance helps to put me back on track and finally today I started parts of the application.

As you might have already figured out, I am an English teacher and I teach Primary TESL. Having that as a background, most people around me assume that I was going to further studies in the same field. Not quite. I have a strong love and passion for children's literature and storytelling. I won't say what's my ultimate career goal is but it does revolve around those. UF happens to have the exact course I want - it was as if they took the measurement straight for my body and tailormade my wedding dress,figuratively speaking. It's perfect. So we arranged to meet with Dr. Lamme to get more information and also to kind of put me in her book. I was ecstatic when she emailed me asking about the status of my application and other stuff - I took that as a sign that she remembered who I was and what we talked about.


My chosen graduate program is under the School of Teaching and Learning within the college of Education. I love the buildings and I also love how it's not that far from the Engineering building - it is actually quite a walk but the student center;cafes and what not are in between the engineering building and my future building so I could meet up with my husband (he will already be my husband then :) for lunch. What attracted me most to this program is that they try hard to gather literature sources for kids all around the world. Dr. Lamme told me they really want international grad students to join the program because more collaborative work could be done that way. They haven't had any from Malaysia (come to think of it i don't think there's a single Malaysian student at UF) so she kinda hinted that my chance of getting in is quite high. Fingers crossed - damn I hope I didn't just jinxed it!

So I re-read everything related to the program again and go through stuff I need to do and include for my application, including my not so impressive GRE scores. Hopefully it'll be enough to get me in - I'd feed the gators in the pond for one whole year if they accepted me with my horrible GRE scores! haha

I am gonna work on my essays with Gruffy this weekend. He's done this before and he landed himself a really good PhD programme - well mostly cos he's brilliant but the essays help of course. So he's gonna help me with it. Then I'd need to contact my undergrad professors again to ask for letter of recommendation. Too bad Howard isn't there anymore, but I still have Jo, Jan and I am sure they could suggest to me another professor who would write one for me. Once it's all done, we'll get it submitted and wait.

While waiting, I have some government contract stuff to settle and hopefully that one goes well too. So far things look promising but Gruffy and I have a backup plan for that. He always got my back, so I am not worried :)

I can't wait to finally be an official Gator. And head down to the locker room :P

Rove went to Hogwarts

apart from morning kids shows, the show I miss most from days in Australia is Rove. I really only watch 2 talkshows like that; Ellen and Rove but Rove wins handsdown :)

and this interview with Daniel and Rupert would show you why. I have watched few interviews for the latest Potter but Rove tops everything else (if you have time check out his interview with JT too, mad hilarious). Daniel and Rupert were hilarious too - I love big stars who are such a sport on talk shows :)

Enjoy!

Few of my favourite lines from the interview:

Daniel on kissing Bonnie
"it did feel slightly incestrous"

Rove on books on the set
"Aah Unforgivable Curses, let's do something evil..it's freakin' yellow pages!"

Final 5
"Do you ever get tired about people making jokes about your wand?"
"Hermione's eyes widen as Ron takes out his wand"
:P

Empty Vessels Make The Most Noise?

I always thought I'd never ever use that saying in a real life situation, but I am more than happy to use it today and tomorrow and the next day and as long as I am still stuck in this place.

When I was in primary school, Year 6 to be exact, my parents came to our Open Day where the class teachers had a one to one meeting with all parents discussing our results and other academic matters, sometimes behaviour and attitude too. My class teacher was happy with my performance in general except for one thing - she said I didn't try to work with other kids. I always did work on my own, I never asked nor discussed. And she used one adjective that affected me up till today; I was stingy with my knowledge.

Of course I never confronted my teacher or even explained to my parents why I acted that way. All I knew (and I still do) that I prefer working alone than with other people. When I was in boarding school, I discovered more to this side of me. It wasn't that I don't like working with people and that I wasn't a team player - I just prefer finishing my own work first before getting to others. And that's how I am up till now. I like finishing my own work, then do what I need to do with my team members and sometimes I do the groupwork on my own.

It's not because I think I am better than everybody else, I am just the kind of person who needs things to be proven in order for me to accept it. I need to know it's legit and that nothing else could be done because I do like having options. I am not square, I am actually more creative than square and that is why I tend to see things in tons of ways so for people to get me to agree to just one way would be really tough. I realised at one point this might annoy some people so I prefer to put in the hard work into research etc before proceeding to group work. While I want to be acknowledged for my effort, most of the time, I really don't care. I just like things to be done and that everyone involved got what they deserved.

Now I am working, facing and dealing with all sorts of personalities and working styles. Some are good and some are, well, not really on the good side of things. Half the time I need to work on my own and the rest with the staff of the school. I always have fun doing stuff for school, whether it was me being in charged or working under the supervision of more experienced teachers. Since it is a small school, a combined effort is always more appreciated and better. I also learn more things and am more flexible with my working style. At one point though, I began to see a pattern; if you are in the person's who is charged good book, it doesn't matter whether you turn up or not - excuses would always be made on your behalf. If you aren't, well be ready for the sarcasm streak to hit you the minute they get that chance.

Now does that seem fair to you? Even an idiot would know it's not.

So I stopped being so accommodating; I revert back to how I used to be. My utmost priority is my business in the classroom - the teaching and learning. The others come second. I keep reminding myself that I should finish my own work first before agreeing to any other stuff. Whether people choose to see the logic behind that or assume that I just have stacked of lazy bones in me, that's up to them. I might not be one who seem to do tons of duties or work, but it's enough I know that I have done and carried out my core responsibilities, with additional ones only when they are requested of me directly.

When someone throws me snappy remarks and talks with thousand layers of sarcasm (trust me, it happens tons of times), while I know I don't deserve such treatment, I accept whatever he or she wants to throw at me. I have learned to accept passing remarks and that they don't make the person that I am.

Especially when it comes from someone who talks big, who exaggerates and who likes harping about what they have done that others haven't when we all very well know that behind the harping and the boasting and the sarcasm self is a person who hasn't done what should be done first, before everything else.

Honestly, I don't get how people could not be bothered with the fact that the salary they get at the end of every month should be the result of hard work, not something that they entitle to get just because they wake up every morning, go to work and go back when working hours is over. There should be some work, actually there should be lots of work involved in between that. Anybody could go to work and anybody could also just go to work but does not do their work. I think people should really start counting their blessings that they do have jobs and an income to support them and their family, if any, to start really putting effort into what they do rather than what they say.

After all, we wouldn't want to be described as one of those empty vessels now, would we?

there's more to life than just that.

social status is a thing that most people desire. Be it girls or boys, it's undeniably a possible form of obsession - as hard as it is to swallow that big and hard piece of truth down your throat, you know you crave for it.

Why?

It gives us a sense of security. Yes, us. That includes me. I admit that I do desire a certain level of social status and it comes in 2 forms. The guy I am with and the gadgets I use. As shallow as that may sound.

You might ask this question, what's the guy I am with gotta do with social status? After failing at picking the right bloke several times, to me it has everything to do with my social status. Before you assume anything - no, the guy I am with is never gonna be used to climb social ladder; to be accepted into the IT group or gain some attention. Never have and never will. He is, however the desired social status (as shallows as this may sound but it's the truth) and he would have the ability to put me in the good book, the promising future. I have never and won't ask for a lavish lifestyle but I do desire a form of financial security that we both contribute to. As a result, the ability to maintain the social status I already have, despite which level it is. When combined, both individuals' status would be one that is desired by both.

As for gadgets - I am a technology victim. As a victim, I strongly believe that technology should be making my life easier as well as assisting me in doing some pretty cool stuff that old age gadgets can't do. I don't get gadgets on an impulse, though. I look at my options, reason out why I should or should't and base my decision on them. It is a form of social status I desire because I don't like feeling left out in experiencing the cool stuff these gadgets could do. I will always want to be in the loop and not miss out on any of it though money could be an issue haha. But that's what geeksugar for - keeping me updated on new gadgets that click with my interest, or even some old ones that still function and are more desirable because they have that vintage feel about them. And I would still be in the loop by learning about these gadgets though I can't get all of those I want :)

Nuts..I just wrote 2 paragraphs explaining how shallow I am haha

So if it's still not clear enough, I think that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a certain social status that you desire. However, I also think that there should be a some sort of limit to that. Especially if you are one who desire it, not one who already belong to that group. After all, things are best done when it is done in a real classy way. For example, I adore girls who could put an ensemble of outfit that's all made up from thrifted stuff but looks like it just came out of an expensive brand ad. What's classy about that you might ask? Well, it's who you are that make things look expensive, whether it's in terms of money or just plain old opinion. Expensive in terms of opinion just simply means of how people think of us. Highly or well, you get the idea. Because the last thing you would ever want is for people to adore the brands of your possessions, not you, when stripped off all of those things.

On second thought, maybe that's what some people want, but honestly, I am very sure not many of us who would wanna go there.

We need not know of what brands your shoes are or how expensive your watch is. We also are not that thick to not know your capabilities of getting those things are questionable. We really just want you to see that the status that you are in, minus all the materials, is the best. The highest social status, in all honesty, in my opinion, doesn't include what you wear or what you can afford, but rather the group of people who accept you and care about you when you don't have those things.

Quit harping about what you have and focus more on what's really within you. Cos you know what they say..."There's more to life than just that" :)

I ain't blue blooded but I ain't a half blood Prince either

what do you think about Potter's latest installment, The Half Blood Prince? I went to watch it on its release day and I thought it was ok. Not exactly the best adaptation but it was better than a couple previous ones. With crucial parts of the books being left out for moviewatchers who aren't readers to try to make sense of the storyline, I thought the movie was pretty neatly done.

Aida mentioned in her blog that they left half the title of this latest one as oblivious as it could be. Half blood Prince was supposed to be the major ingredient and there should be more scenes dedicated to that apart from the last one where he went "I am the Half Blood Prince". Potter was supposed to be seen utilizing knowledge he got from the book more than what the movie showed and there should be a scene after Snape left Hogwarts explaining why he called himself The Half Blood Prince. I agree with her, cos I think there should be more to that in the movie. But if you wanna know a rough background story you can read it on her blog :)

But I wasn't thoroughly disappointed with that cos I guess I read the book, so I knew that fact from the get go. What I was disappointed with was the absence of Dumbledore's funeral. I don't like how the movie ended. It had become a trend anyway I guess, with the movies ending with the three buddies talking and consoling each other and all that jazz. But to me Dumbledore's funeral should be there. It was a grand yet solemn affair and I wanna see Fawkes flee off while humming the sad song etc they did put that one in, but differently. For short, I wanted the ending to be magical, but it wasn't.

Disappointed as I was, it can't beat the irritation I got from a certain someone's take on the movie. I don't bloody care if you didn't read the books and you are just those who watch the movies. Not everyone reads, I get that. But you cannot claim that you share the same sentiment as we do about how the movie turned out. How could you be disappointed with the fact that Dumbledore's funeral wasn't included if you didn't read the book? Even if you found out about it from fellow friends who read the books, you still couldn't have shared the same anticipation about it because, well, you didn't read it. What annoyed me the most was that you went around telling people how disappointed you were and when I asked the magical questions followed by my other Potter interrogation's list, you stumbled and honestly, you looked kinda dumb trying to get out from my ready to burn questions.

See, I never care if you didn't read the book. And I never think that we readers are all mighty and claim we know it all. I don't. But I do have beef with people who like talking about things they don't know about, whatmore boast about it to others whom they think know less than them. That's just not a good thing to have and keep.

Anyway, back to the movie (I grumbled too much these days haha) I was particularly happy with TomFelton's acting - I thought it was superb. He didn't have much dialogue but his mannerism, his expression, said it all. I thought he looked really refined in this one, and more good looking too - eye candy throughout the whole movie haha

All in all, I thought it was pretty good. I love how this one seemed to be the funniest of all the others and how different they approached each character in this movie. Ron did a good job being under the influence of the love potion, well he did a good job looking lovestruck and all. And I loved Harry after he took Felix Felicis - it was hilarious. The boy(s) who played young Tom Riddle and the teenage one were good too. Very disturbing.

If you haven't caught it, go ahead. It's good. To non readers, you would enjoy it. To readers, don't expect anything - it's as different from how you imagined as the others, but give it a chance. There would definitely be tons of things you'd love about it :)

like...how cute the boys are in this one! :P

I am a lameoid double decker chicken sandwich

*I have been planning to revamp this blog and make it my personal blog since Nathan has one and the other is our joint kinda blog where it's supposed to only have stuff related to the both of us. But I am lazy. So bear the unfinished look of this blog. It's art :P

I love original disney shows. Actually I like TEENick's too. But I watch more disney than I do Nick. Yes. I am turning 25, living on my own and watch disney every waking hour. If you think that's childish or child-like or whatever, wait till you read the next line.

I watch playhouse disney too. But we aren't here to talk about that. We're here to talk about my history with disney channel shows.

I lived in boarding school for 5 years. No satellite tv, no disney channel. So I guess you could say that it's revenge that I still watch disney channel up till now. The first show I got hooked on was after I finished boarding school. Between waiting for my SPM results and getting into college. It was Lizzie Mcguire and I was in love with Gordo. Just so happened that Gordo's name in the show was David Gordon and his real name is Adam Lamberg - perfect combination. My most favourite guy names. At that time the show was on every weekend on Disney Buzz (I miss Disney Buzz and I loved bot Azura and Jien). When I wasn't watching disney, I watch Nick - All That, The Amanda Show with Figure it Out as my most favourite gameshow on that channel.

But hey, I am a Disney fan. Besides, Nick hasn't got any more interesting show after Amanda Bynes is all grown up - I like that girl, she's mental.

Then I went off to college - again, no satellite TV, then to Aus, no cable. Although I was so tempted to get it but was very sure Unilodge wouldn't allow it :P So again, when I came back to Malaysia, it was sweet revenge. Disney Channel all day long! Only this time, no more Lizzie. And Hilary Duff isn't that cute anymore, and oh, never thought I'd say this but Gordo had lost his geeky charm.

One fateful Saturday afternoon, while my nephew was flicking his kiddie channels, I caught a glimpse of Billy Ray Cyrus (I only knew one of his so famous song then :P). I wasn't sure but I demanded that my nephew to stick with Disney Channel and let me watch the rest of the show. What do you know...I was stuck yet again. If you haven't guessed, it was Hannah Montana. I thought that show was hilarious. Some might say dumb, I say hilarious. it's 2009 now, more than 2 years after I first watched the show, it's still going for 3rd season and the movie was out last June (don't know why it got here so late!) and made Nathan took me to watch it. We were basically the only adults in the theatre without kids :P I even made him got me the Hannah popcorn combo hehe.

I have to catch the lates episodes on youtube most of the time cos Disney Channel asia gets them late and this was how I came across Sonny with A Chance - another show I love! To me it reminds me of All That but only with one sketch for their show in show called So Random and the rest is the actual storyline. I have already finished watching all episodes available on youtube and now can't wait for the next ones.

and oh, I also watch Wizards of The Waverley Place . It's no Harry Potter, but it's hilarious. I sometimes watch Zack and Cody too but it's not one that I wait for and know what time it is exactly on.

So now you know how lame Hani is. But seriously, with tons of dramas and negativity in real life, the kids on the show sure help cheer up my day every single time :)

*Harry Potter grumbles coming up next.