I want my free time DAMMIT!

The harsh reality of the working world is slowly getting to me. I  am now very impatient, I get annoyed easily and these fill me up with extremely bad energy! My dad, Gruffy and almost other adults that exist in my life (apart from myself) told me that I'd come across so many characters at my workplace; both good and bad.

But I honestly didn't expect rotten ones.

Fine. I know I ain't that much of an angel goody goody hardworking type to be calling people "rotten". But I am super upset+moody+a total drama queen so leave me be!

I have 33 periods a week. On most days I'd be lucky enough to have a chance to eat but on Wednesdays I only have one free period and I usually rush from class to class and drink some water cos by the third period my throat would be so dry from all the talking  in class. When I was handed the full timetable at the beginning of the year, that old witch said sarcastically "you have a degree right? A graduate...your starting salary is higher than anyone in this school so you should be getting more periods than anyone else"

Like, uh...hello...fine I have a degree but I didn't major in *all subjects taught in primary school*. If you wanted to start talking about salary - I am surely grateful that I live in an era where there are lots of opportunities to study. But a word from the young teacher whom you think lack experience, opportunities don't fall from the sky. Even if they did, you gotta catch it and make full use of it. Then only you get something out of it. And in my case, I worked for my degree. And I think I deserve the amount of salary I get at the end of each month because I worked hard to get where I am and I work hard to stay there and I work hard to be better.

Of course I didn't say that to her face. I have been reminded to eat a slice of humble pie every once in a while, or just a tiny wee bit if I really cannot force down the whole slice.

But yesterday was the final straw - I couldn't take it anymore. Like I said, I only have 1 free period on Wednesdays. And she gave me a class to relief...while her pet teachers who only have like the most 25 periods a week lounge around or go to the next door hawker - free from all the worries in the world. You know why? Cos they have someone backing them up each time. An example of the advantage of being her favourites? You could still get that Excellence in Service whatever crap award even when you were on 2 months leave!!

How the heck do these people evaluate someone's work when he or she was absent for 2 months? Oh wait...got someone who would always back you up, write sugar coated recommendation and what not.

Well I don't care much for award or recognition, I'd probably be gone by the time I arrive at that point they would consider me a 'senior teacher' - but damn I care about having my one free period FREE!! and since she likes to play dumb each time I ask her "'what about that teacher who is really free?", I am gonna give her a taste of her own medicine.

Noone plays bimbo better than I do, sistah!

Out of my hands

If you're a folllower on Twitter, you'd have read that I finally have submitted my application for PhD at UF. Upon clicking the "submit application" button, I asked Gruffy again and again and again if I should do it - cos I didn't (still don't) know how my statement of purpose sounded. I thought I covered (with Gruffy's help) every thing they want to know but by the time I was gonna copy+paste it from word to the admission system, I had to chop off like almost 2 paragraphs.

Naturally....I freaked out!!!!!! (insert hair-pulling crazy hani here). It was like wearing a strapless dress without my wonderbra!! Boobs saggy, unpleasant looking and all!

But like it says in the title, it's out of my hands now. I contacted Dr. Lamme telling her that I've submitted everything and will be meeting her another time when I am in Florida this coming holiday. Jo has submitted her letter of recommendation and suggested that Jan and Erika to write me the other 2 I need. Hopefully all goes well. I really wanna get my PhD before I am 30 because we plan to start a family :read: making babies around that age - if it was totally up to me, I'll get Gruffy to knock me up when I'm 28 but children cost lots of money so we wanna be stable and everything. By that time, my Gruffy would be Professor Gruffy and hopefully we'll have a nice 3 bedroom house with a backyard with garden gnomes whatnot.

Anyway, I was saying about getting my PhD before I am 30. If I start next year (I'd be 26), I'd have like less than 4 years to complete it. Seems impossible, but we'll see.

There'll  be lots for my head to process and adapt next year if all goes according to plan. Getting married, being a wife, moving continents, studying, studying while being a wife, being a wife while studying.

Ok I better not drive myself crazy with the future. Better deal with what's coming tomorrow i.e. lesson plans.

Oh great...

What Hani Wants

is to spend Raya with her fiance!! But not this year :( I guess we'll just have to do the whole raya-on-skype thing this year. Oh well.

School goes on holiday a day early so I am heading back up to KL in the morning I guess-it depends what time I wake up tomorrow. And I better not forget to set my alarm for sahur tomorrow cos last night I forgot and slept in-after not fasting for almost a week. I was so hungry today and some year one kid whipped out a pack of tiger biscuits out of his bag and started eating and boy, wasn't that a challenge!! And he even asked me to hold on to his biscuits cos he didn't wanna share with the other kids!

ah, the joy of teaching primary kids :)

managed to clean the rest of the house today and reminded Gruffy about paying zakat. I paid mine last couple days and it totally slipped my mind that he'd have to pay his too. At first was gonna pay his over here but then I rechecked with the his area's center's website and he could pay it there-plus the rate is different too so he's gonna go pay it today.

Since we are on that subject, I'm really proud of Gruffy. Of course it was a tough transition and having to learn new things that sometimes are unexplainable is tough-but he made the choice and commits himself to it. Maybe I should give him duit raya since he hasn't missed fasting even for a day and it looks like he's gonna get full 30 days too :) We'll see, maybe he'll get his DSi early and I'll get something else for his birthday and christmas ;)

This year I'll be able to celebrate thanksgiving, Raya Haji, his birthday, christmas and part of my birthday together! I'm flying off to New York on the 22nd and coming back on my birthday. I wish I could stay for new year's eve too but school starts on the 4th and I need to be back in Malaysia by the 3rd. Though flying back alone on my birthday isn't really my idea of a celebration, at least I'll get to spend most of it with him. If we go by Malaysian timezone, we actually will manage to celebrate whole 24 hours of my birthday - so I guess it's ok :) plus this would be the last time we'd have to do the flying-alone-to-see-each-other thing so that's a good thing!

So we'll be spending thanksgiving, Raya Haji and his birthday in Gainesville, then we'll either fly or drive back (not sure, we haven't decided) to Jersey and spend the rest of the holiday with the family. I seriously cannot wait so if you're asking what does Hani really want?

She wants time to fast forward to 22nd November so she can fly home!!! :)

Accidentally Spilt or Splashed?

He accidentaly __________ a glass of water on the table.

a. spilt

b. threw

c. poured

d. splashed

above was the 3rd question in the recent UPSR paper 1. First look at it, I'd say the answer would be "a" with the reasons being; it's an accidental act and the water was in a container (glass is a kind of container right?).

So like half hour ago my head of department gave me a copy of both paper 1 and 2-if I wanted my year 5s to try them. A colleague looked at it and asked me the answers for the questions. So when I said that the 3rd question's answer was "a", my head of department said that she heard from teachers from other school, who referred to someone they called "an expert teacher" that the answer is "d".

So the arguement started.

I did ask Gruffy which one was the right one when I finished invigilating exam last week cos I saw tons of kids chose "d. splashed" instead of "a.spilt". He said he'd used them both before but thought "a." was a more accurate answer.

Like I mentioned above, I was 100% sure, I still am sure that the answer is "spilt" because it's an accidental act and that the water was in a glass. Gruffy also said that you don't "splash" water in glass. Honestly, I never really used the word "splashed" before for accidental events like drinks spilling on the table. To me it's a word that I would use when someone really does "splashing water" act to me.

ok, clearly I am not your excellent English teacher...whatmore an expert. But below are the definitions I got from Oxford online and I am gonna submit an inquiry about this - there's no way I'm letting this go easily, I want a legit answer so I don't teach my kids the wrong thing!

spill1
• verb (past and past part. spilt or spilled) 1 flow or cause to flow over the edge of a container. 2 move or empty out from a place. 3 informal reveal (confidential information).

splash

• verb 1 (with reference to a liquid) fall or cause to fall in scattered drops. 2 make wet or cover with scattered drops. 3 strike or move around in water, causing it to fly about. 4 (splash down) (of a spacecraft) land on water. 5 display (a story or photograph) in a prominent place in a newspaper or magazine. 6 (splash out) Brit. informal spend money freely.

care to explain?

I used to believe

I use to believe that the things rattling around in spray paint cans were baby teeth that the tooth fairy sold to the paint company, that's how she got her money

Anon (from make-believe : fairies)

I used to think that dogs were the males and cats were the females and thats why they were always chasing each other...

Daniel Thor (from animals : cats & dogs)

While browsing my daily geek site, I came across their list of "feel good" websites. and I love this! FML made the list too but I found this more appealing-cuter in lots of ways. It made me think of things I used to believe and how those made me extremely happy and though I grew out of some of them, I still feel good knowing that I had tons of good things I believed in that in lots of ways helped shape the kind of character and personality I have today.

I see the world in the most ideal way my head chooses to see because I think it's important: to keep being colourblind;to keep being naive;to keep the innocence of a child in the children and in us;to be non judgemental;to be sincere;to keep giving without asking for anything in return. And that's just the starters of the list :)

Some say that we gotta let the young ones know the harsh reality of the world so that they would be prepared to face it when the time comes. I am not saying we shouldn't, but don't take away their childhood from them by replacing their laughter with the decisions we make as adults. And especially don't take away their innocence by starting to segregate them at a very young age.

If you look back on things you used to believe, you'd realize how clean and straightforward your thoughts were - the kind that we rarely have when we're adults cos we're always influenced by the way things seem on the outside. As bitter as it is to swallow, we know that the way things are is the way we make them. And it is sad that most children would grow up to be these judgemental adults...and the vicious cycle would never stop.

We are normal human being and we can't help being judgemental every now and again - it only makes us normal. We aren't saints. But it does help when we try to be aware of this weakness before it seeps in our braincells unconsciously and becomes a part of us that is so big, it'd be so tough to get rid of.

And it definitely helps to not raise children to learn differences, but rather similarities. And that it's not wrong to believe in silly funny things. Without those beliefs in funny and silly things, there wouldn't be cool looking buildings and crazy wacky million dollar worth inventions :)

Remember, focus on similarities, not differences :)

First game of the season and I can't watch?!?

Where's the justice in all this?!? I can try to watch it online but streamyx is damn hopeless so can't depend on it! URGHH but I will try. I need my dose of Tebow and Cooper in action! I haven't seen them for ages!!!

Tim Tebow the Superman

Riley "Hottie" Cooper

I like Riley better cos Tebow is too muscely for my liking. But can't find any better picture of Riley - I wonder if the other Gators footballers ever feel overshadowed by Tebow haha

This Geeky Gator obviously feels that way :P

awwwww. you know I love you best ;)

shifting gear

I don't drive stick-I don't think I remember how to anymore but I do know if I shifted like from gear 1 straight to 3 or something, it wouldn't be good for the car. And after a week holiday and lots of sleeping straight to waking up damn early and working my butt off is obviously a shock to my body - I feel more tired these days than ever. Maybe because it's fasting month too and the unpredictable weather combined. Regardless, my system is still getting used to the sudden change.

The exam is next week, I hope my kids do well. If they did, then I'll have some sort of benchmark to live up to for next year, which is in my opinion a good thing. I might not be around long enough to be there with my kids for their exam: exam will be in September (usually it is in September) and I might be leaving, if everything goes well, early or mid august. Hence the pressure to make sure the next batch of kids will be ready by the time I have to leave them to pursue dreams of my own.

I have been working and teaching for almost 2 years now. And working life has made me realised one thing that I never wanted to admit: I have been and always will be a loner. Gruffy said that it's because I chose to be one because I just prefer it that way rather than people isolating me or something like that. Regardless, I now admit I am one. I do like working with people and sometimes go out with friends to catch up but that's about it. I don't really have a closeknit group of friends like most people do; this is either because I am easily forgettable and haven't made that much of an impact in anyone's life or simply cos I am a jerk. I'd prefer the first :P I have few friends I like to hang out with when I am back in KL but that's about it.

I guess I am little weird - people always say that artsy people have eclectic kind of social behaviour and ways they relate to people. Now I am not artsy or anything like that. Not in the common way anyway. But I do have different worlds I relate to when I write my books or even when I think. And I guess I am sometimes (or most of the times) too sensitive for my own good. Scared of getting hurt or offended, I just shut myself up from people and be on my own. I am not sure if it's healthy or not the way I act - but I am happy.

Life is about shifting gears every now and then, at least to me-whether it's sudden or expected, well you rarely have controls of what life throws at you. Waking up before the roosters do and choosing not to have much social life aren't much at all. I guess shifting gears in a lot of ways help to reshape my focus on things that really matter. I love my friends, but right at this moment my focus is my kids and it is my utmost responsibility to make sure they leave primary years with good grammar and sound knowledge of the language. I am also a fiancee who needs to learn my ways through being a good wife. Though my future husband isn't one who dominates control over my life, being there for him is what I love and also my responsibility.

And I guess right at this moment, my gear would stay at "kids and Gruffy" for a long while :)